The Spirit of Nature

This photo says it all. Color. Light. Cleansing. Refreshing. Healing.

Sometimes healing comes in forms like color and light, spotlighting everything heavenly and good that we consider uplifting, even meaningful. But sometimes it comes in other forms of darkness, loss, and black shadows.

How is this healing?

Ultimately it shows us the grim face of reality so we stop fooling ourselves. But it also shows us how powerful we are, how precious life is, how the dark can point us towards the light even when we misunderstand (how dare you tell me my pain is insignificant) or shove it aside (I’m not worthy of anything, I don’t believe your words, you are just being nice to me out of obligation.)

I am very, very familiar with depression and the sticky tar of worthlessness and turmoil. I’ve fought through it since I was diagnosed at age twelve with what is now called major depressive disorder.

Most of my life I’ve felt like I shouldn’t be here; an imposter in a world that is far too good for me.

And so I write this blog as a person who has struggled, and still struggles daily. But there is “the spark”, an inner voice that pops up on occasion, an inner knowing, the inner spirit that says, “hang on. Just a little longer.” The voice that I believe everyone has within them.

I’ve felt this spirit for a long time. And there are times when I can almost see through its eyes. It shows me to look beyond myself.

This is my own brand of the Spirit of Nature.

Carleen

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